


my head got tired of me again

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Blood, Graphic Description, Injury, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 06:41:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20670974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sal is alone again, floating on a sea of nothing, a lonely broken boat drowning in the waves, and he only knows what thing to do.-it's just a vent fic guys im sorry





	my head got tired of me again

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry to sal i love him i swear

_It's ok_, Sal thinks frantically, his arms tightening around himself, nails scrabbling against his skin, leaving raised red lines behind. _It's ok._ "It's ok-" he chokes on the words and curls forward, his forehead hitting his knees. "Fuck." He drew in another struggling breath, his whole body shaking with the effort. The world has shattered from around him; noises swim in his ears, but he thinks that's just him, just his own panic, just his own strangled gasping, just his own pieces raining down around him as the world crumbles away into jagged pieces around him that leave red streaks along his arms and cut him open, leaving him as nothing, a speck of nothing floating in a sea of nothing and nothing is too much, it's far too much to handle and he can't handle it.

He pulls himself into a stumbling crawl, unable to support himself on his trembling legs, and he drags himself across the floor, making his way towards his bed. It's shameful to struggle like this, it's pitiful, he looks like some kind of weak creature, just a jagged, choking child made of nothing, lost in a sea of nothing, a wreck riddled with ills, riddled with holes, riddled with rot, self destructing as quick as the clock turns. His hands scrabble at the edge of the bed and he heaves himself up, hardly having the strength, hardly able to see, feeling around frantically under his pillow, desperately trying to find what he's looking for.

He finally grasps it, tugging it out, another wave of tears rushing out from relief this time, and his fingers were bloodied, bitten by it's blade while he was searching, but he can hardly feel it, he can hardly process anything, and the first slice is shaky and shallow, his muscles too weak from panic to do it properly.

But it calms him all the same, and he releases a breath- it's jagged and tremulous and hurts his throat, but it's a breath, and he closes his eyes for a moment, letting the tears slow, before he opened his eyes and slowly drew the blade again across his forearm, deeper this time, cutting cleanly through the skin. Blood runs down his arm, gathering in the crook of his elbow before it drips down onto his sheets. He'll have to wash those. But that doesn't matter right now; all that matters is the blade biting into his arm, over and over, methodical, measured, until his breaths have slowed and his heartbeat is regular. He tosses the pocketknife onto his bedside table, intent on cleaning it later, and stared down at his arm for a moment, thinking. He rubbed the back of his eyes harshly and sniffed, shaking his head quickly to get his bearings.

"It's ok," he whispers, his legs swinging lazily back and forth at the side of the bed. "It's ok." His voice is steady.

His phone buzzes. Lovino's name pops up on the screen. _Hey, we're gonna be back late._ Again. Sal is alone again.

It's ok. He's nothing to them, anyway.


End file.
